no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
