So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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