RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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