Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
