Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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