He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
