just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
