we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize