dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
