he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
