we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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