you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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