Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
