you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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