i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize