i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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