I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
