4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
