your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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