she woke up with a sticky ear
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
