You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
