I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
