One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
