i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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