I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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