Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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