I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
