sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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