whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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