12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
