Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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