smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
