i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
