Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
