dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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