he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize