she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
