Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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