Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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