Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
