How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am naked and annoyed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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