I'm going to jail i love you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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