Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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