Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
