So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
