my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i have two assholes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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