There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
