And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
