worst night to have a conscience
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
