Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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