im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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