Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
