New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
where are my eyebrows?
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