Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize