oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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