He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
