Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
