I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I died a long time ago.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
