You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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