I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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