I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
