my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
