it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
