please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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