how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
