Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
